


The Stars Shine For You

by DrownMeOut (DeimosEquinox)



Series: Cracking Open A Cold One With the Boys [1]
Category: DMMd, DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: As far as a robot goes, Crack, Crack comes first, His mane is just, I should work on my other things but nah, I'm just kidding, Other, Ren doesn't like Welter too much but that's irrelevant, The best of all best friends, They're best friends, Welter is a 10/10 cuddle buddy, don't do drugs kids, wink - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-06 22:27:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10345887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeimosEquinox/pseuds/DrownMeOut
Summary: Trip gives some bad advice.





	

Ren sits on my lap, pliant as I type away at luminescent screens. The door opens and closes with a slam, which I've had to get used to when I decided to live with Trip. The Wine Mom™ comes around sometimes when he isn't on a work trip, but it isn't often. 

"Sly." Trip says as he sits next to me, causing the couch to dip thanks to his fat ass. 

"Have you gained weight?" I ask, looking away from the screens. Of course, he hadn't, but if he did I doubt he would care. "I'm surprised your boyfriend hasn't." 

"Noiz has a fast metabolism." He points out in a dull tone. Welter walks into the room, curling up at Trip's feet. I make kissy noises, patting the cushion next to me. 

"Sly, stop." Trip demands, but it falls upon deaf ears. "He isn't allowed on the-" 

Welter cuts him off when he jumps onto the couch. Ren makes a noise that sounds oddly like the Windows™ (don't want Microsoft suing me now) shut off noise. Pfft. Jealousy. 

I kiss the lion's nose as Trip sighs. "Virus will be upset." 

"Virus can kiss my bubbly ass."  

We sit in silence for a while. I admire my yellow socks in this silence, bending my toes and turning my foot to look at it. I should be a sock model. But just for yellow socks. Mink hates my socks, but not as bad as he hates my eyes. 

What did he say my eyes looked like? 

Yellow piss that had been on the sun for four hours. That was it. How specific. 

Of course _Mink_ would know what that looked like. I should decapitate him. Him and his fucking pink bird allmate. Who even has a bird allmate? 

Oh yeah. Koujaku. 

His allmate is cute though. 

He's pretty cute t-

"Sly." Trip walks into the room. To be honest, I hadn't seen him leave. 

Some friend I am. 

"What?" 

"Drink this." He holds out a bottle of ketchup. 

"Why the fuck would I drink that?" 

"I will make you a deal." 

I take the ketchup bottle, thumbing the cap open. He sits again before continuing. 

"If you drink all of that, I will never walk in on you and Koujaku again." 

"Wait, you _deliberately_ walked in on me and Koujaku making out?" 

"Yes." 

"And... Why?" 

"I did not want you to get to third base before me." 

"Noiz didn't even put out for another four months after that!" 

"Which is why I kept walking in." 

"I hate you. I really, really do." 

Trip just shrugs, then beacons to the bottle. I look at it, then at him, and accepted my Fate. 

* * *

 

"Why did you drink an entire bottle of ketchup, son?" The doctor asks, handing me a toothbrush. Noiz snickers, but Koujaku watches with a half annoyed, half worried expression. Trip, of course, remained expressionless. 

"I was held at gunpoint." I reply. Noiz starts to laugh.

Koujaku hisses at him to shut up as the doctor cocks an eyebrow. 

"You were held at gunpoint to drink ketchup?" 

"Indeed." 

"You should be fine now. Just don't eat ketchup for a while." 

"I won't. Trust me, I won't." 

Later that night, Koujaku lectures me about drinking ketchup. And Trip about telling me to drink it. 

However, Trip was too busy not giving a shit and I had half my face buried in Welter's mane. Noiz had gone home the second the lecture began, so sadly Trip had no entertainment. 

"Aoba." Ren interrupts Koujaku eventually, lighting up and lifting his head. 

"Ren." I reply. He'd called me Aoba so many times that I just let it slide at this point. 

"You have one unopened message." 

"Open it." 

"It is a voice recording." 

"Open the damn recording, you blue whore." 

"Low battery life. Powering down." 

"You're at one hundred percent! Ren!" 

"Powering down." 

"I'm sorry!" 

"Opening message." 

"Hello, Sly. This is Virus." 

"Wine mom." I whisper. 

"Add an h and it's more accurate." Trip whispers back. I snicker. 

"Rumor has it that you threw up on my new cabinets. And you've been letting Welter up on the couch." 

The lion growls at the mention of his name. 

"I just want to let you know, you're paying for that." 

"The recording has ended." Ren finally says. 

I turn to Trip before scowling. "Why the fuck didn't you get chewed out?" 

"I blocked Virus." He says simply. 

"Smart man. Ren, block contact 'wine mom.'" 

"Blocking contact. Finished." 

"Hey, Sly." Trip says suddenly. "Let's make another deal." 

"Shoot." 

"If you drink a whole bottle of barbecue sauce, you get to cuddle with Welter for a whole month." I could already hear Koujaku's annoyed sigh before I even say anything. 

"Deal." 

**Author's Note:**

> I'll probably start a collection of Trip and Sly cracks tbh.


End file.
